


Am I Supposed to Apologize?

by Rockin_Robyn



Series: In The Crossroads of Our Love [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Cutting, F/F, Mentions of Prostitution, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Suicide, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 02:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rockin_Robyn/pseuds/Rockin_Robyn
Summary: Robyn’s experiences, thoughts and feelings from the age of eleven to nineteen.





	Am I Supposed to Apologize?

**Author's Note:**

> Basically my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, combined with a salute to Maria Mena.

I wrote a song, a journal

Gave it to the world

Told the story

Of when I was just a girl

Click. Posted. Her first video. An introduction. A bit of backstory.

I sought understanding

Clarity in truth

By baring all the wounds

Inflicted on my youth

Shared her pain. Shared her knowledge. Shared her life. Her story.

You criticized my choice

To stand up to my past

To give the pain a voice

So that it too could pass

‘Go away fagot! No body want’s you hear.’ ‘U should cut deeper next tim, so u can’t talk anymore.’ ‘If I ever c u irl i’ll rape u loud bitch.’ ‘The guys you whored yourself off too might have liked hereing you wine but we don’t!’

Backlash. Of course. She wasn’t surprised.

But I felt brave

And filled with pride as

I let go

Of bitterness that wouldn’t leave or let me grow

She wouldn’t let them get the best of her. She was proud of herself, of her courage.

And I will spend a lifetime

Trying to understand

Why someone sharing my bloodline

Would not lend me their hand

Another video. About her unconventional family and her old family. Of her father’s abuse, her mother’s negligence.

Am I supposed to apologize?

Am I supposed to apologize?

She would not apologize for being herself. Got called an ungrateful child. A disappointment. Attention whore. Still she spoke up.

I loved her more than myself

But she made me choose

Between her and my father

And so I refused

Told the story of her first ‘girlfriend’. Her first love. Ashley. How she had threatened to out her. Said it wasn’t real if she didn’t want anyone to know.

I fled her house and wrath

As always back then. Just ran away.

Eleven years of age

Followed the crooked path

That led me to a stage

Well, thirteen actually, but the first call to CPS was at age eleven. Thirteen when her parents were put in jail. Fourteen when her sister and her ran away from their foster parents. When they became homeless.

The curtains opened up

My heart followed the lead

The music wouldn’t stop

And I could finally breathe

The police had finally caught them. Ages sixteen and fifteen, respectively. Put them under the care of Alexander and Roslyn Salinas. They were adopted a year later. They had a home. A real one.

But I will spend a lifetime

Trying to understand

Why someone sharing my bloodline

Would not lend me their hand

They both still have PTSD because of it. Even in London, Robyn doesn’t trust the police.

Renèe is afraid of men who wear black suede Gucci belts.

Am I supposed to apologize?

Am I supposed to apologize?

No. No more apologies. Never again.


End file.
